A Collar -or- A Ring???

What do I mean by this?

For the D/s couples I know and respect a collar is the outward sign of their commitment to one another. For the vanilla couples, it is the ring you wear to symbolize your love for one another. For a D/s couple that "collar" might be made of leather, chain mail, stainless steel, or just a chain with a heart on it inscribed with His/Her initial on the front, slave or submissive on the back. Whichever collar is chosen it is worn daily as a symbol of the pact/agreement/contract between the Master/Dominant and submissive/slave. For the vanilla couple that ring is made of gold, platinum, silver, tungsten, or white gold, and it symbolizes the commitment made to one another. 

Mainstream society at the moment is being tantalized by the "Fifty Shades" series by E. L. James, or the "Crossfire" series of novels by Sylvia Day. Both novels deal with BDSM, both are sexually explicit  however the "Crossfire" series of novels are psychologically intense, more intense for me at least than the "Fifty Shades of Gray". Both trilogies delve into something "we" as people prefer to keep hidden behind closed doors, "Our Sexuality". I am not talking about being straight  bi, or gay, I am talking about the dark deep hidden secrets you keep to yourself, because you feel if someone knows, they may judge you. If you cannot be honest with who peers backs at you in the mirror every morning, then it is time you do some soul searching. 

Divorce is at an all time high in this country, maybe it is because it is too easy to obtain. Granted I would NEVER tell a woman to stay in an abusive marriage, EVER!!!! However, it seems that most couples getting married today do not see the long term picture. My grandparents were married for 16 years when my grandmother died in 1937, my grandfather never dated or remarried, when he passed in 1970 he met the love of his life once again in heaven. My parents were married for 42 years when my father passed away, they fought, they loved, they ignored the temptation of divorce because they loved one another; when my mother died, I realized that the day we laid my father to rest something died inside of her, the part of her heart that belonged to my dad.

You see D/s and vanilla couples are not that far apart on the spectrum of things. Both couples want the same things they just go about it in a different way. A D/M gives his s/s a collar as an outward sign of his love and devotion  a vanilla man gives his wife a wedding ring as a sign. A collar, a ring, both are SYMBOLS of the commitment each makes to one another. Both couples like dinners out, movies, dancing, a ball game or two or ten, vacations, etc, however the place that changes everything is at the bedroom/dungeon door. Only the two involved in the relationship can decide what is "right or correct" for them. So for the vanilla woman or man who reads this whom decide to take a walk on the wild side, try it, you never know you may like it.  

There is Nothing Checked Off....

I belong to a BDSM website. While I have been a member there for a while now, the profile currently there is my second one since the first was eaten by the world wide cobweb never to be seen again. I have no D/s things in my "checklist". Why??? I am way more than a checklist, and if a D/M chooses to use that to gain whether I am the "right one" for him or not then I am definitely NOT the one for him.

This is part of an email I received from one of the D/M's who wrote to me: 

"....You certainly seem to know what you want in the Dom area but how do you expect a Dom to know what you might be interested in concerning the BDSM lifestyle with none listed? I think that an idea of that might let a person know how compatible they might be. Care to list some of your interests, likes or limits?..."

This is how I responded to this email, which he deleted without reading:

"I refuse to be judged by the items I check off on a list. It is not who I am as a woman. The parts of me that should interest you more are my eyes, the way they look up at you when I am kneeling at your feet, my heart which bursts with joy when you praise me, and hurts when i have done something to displease you, and my soul which i allow you to protect while wearing your collar. The checklists mean nothing if there is nothing else behind it."

D/s is about two people who make up the checklist as they go along, sure there are the basic things on it for both of them, but the rest of it is their own to create, edit at will, and keep evolving as the relationship changes. No one but the two involved in it can change it, no two lists are alike unless they have run it through a copier at the local Kinko's.

Like I have stated before in this blog, it begins with a word, then a sentence, then a paragraph, then a chapter, then a novel, and at the end of life a tome. Always take quality over quantity, never sell yourself short. And ALWAYS be true to yourself.

Food for Thought...

• To the many D/M's out there who think that the M/s or D/s lifestyle is all about them, it is not. 
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• Both type relationships are the deepest, most meaningful relationship that two can have; however on day one it begins as a friendship something more vanilla than kinky. 
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• It begins with open communication that means You both have to leave no stone unturned with one another. Do NOT expect Your prospective s/s to lay her life out there for You to pick on like a vulture, while You remain silent. Remember You too have a past, he/she has a right to open the door to Your past as You have asked him/her to do. 
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• Expect politeness, protocol is for when two have decided upon a collar, whatever size, shape, color it may be.
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• If You expect You prospective s/s to send You emails, pictures thoughts, please expect to do the very same for Your prospective s/s. It is only fair. 
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• Do NOT expect Your s/s to wear their heart on their sleeve if You keep finding fault with what he/she says or feels. Repeated tearing & shredding of body parts causes scar tissue which is hard & ugly. 
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• If You DO NOT understand what Your s/s has told You, be man or woman enough to ask them to explain. As one of Your many teachers/professors have stated before, "There is no such thing as a dumb question".
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• Lastly, treat Your prospective s/s like You want to be treated, with respect.